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Category Archive for 'Personal'

Clomp … Clomp … Clomp

OK, so add to my list of things I don’t particularly like very much being awakened by the sound of men messing around with something up on my roof. I mean what is that? There were no jingle bells. There were no reindeer hooves. If you don’t have a stomach that’s shaking like a bowl […]

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My Battle with the Sack

The internet is boring tonight, so I figured I’d add a bit of my own content instead. So here you go, copied out of an e-mail I wrote earlier today: Driving home Saturday, I was brutally attacked on the freeway and nearly died. Some plastic sack made a beeline for my car and plastered itself […]

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That’s Nice…

What could be better than realizing, from that depths of my groggy dementia, that it’s a Saturday, and I can turn the alarm off? So nice to be able to drift back to sleep while the rain lightly trickles in the background? Mmmmm… Well, it might have been better if I’d actually remembered to turn […]

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Quitter!!!!!

[Folgers Coffee Style Voice Over]: We’ve secretly replaced the power rods Will usually uses with 4 inches of solid god damn steel. How the hell did I get so weak in just 2 days? It’s like I’m a six-year-old, no a kitten, no a little fluffy bunny and not the really cool bunny from Holy […]

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Out of Nothing At All…

I awoke this morning at about 4 am, not a bit hung over, and feeling surprisingly refreshed and present. My car has needed an oil change and a tune up for … well, let’s just say forever. So, I figured, as long as I’m up… Now, last night, all I wanted to hear was The […]

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Spin, Spin, Spin … Wheeee!

Note to self: Antihistamines, physical exertion and lack of nutrition does not make for a very good combination. If you really feel you must try to stand up, do it a little slower next time. OK? And really, wouldn’t a nice nap be better anyway? You’ll still be hungry tomorrow. There’s no rush in getting […]

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Mmmmm… Fried Beans and Lard

The chorizo and eggs ad Mill’s Country Restaurant may well be the worlds most perfect food. If I could have, I would have just kept on lapping it up like one of those coke monkeys that just keep hitting their jones until they fall over dead. For the next few days, I will be thinking […]

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Oooooph

I have the body of a 78-year-old man. He’s pissed. And, he’s trying to take it back. Strangely, just a few hours ago, I had the body of an 18-year-old boy. I aged 60 years in the space of a few hours. Clearly I’m suffering from some rare form of physical bi-polar disorder or something. […]

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Tick … Tick … Tick …

Roughly speaking, the next 493,200 seconds are mine to do with as I wish. How oh how shall I spend my time? Will I spend it cleaning my condo, redesigning my web site, starting work on that novel that’s been kicking around my brain for the past few months — nah, I’ll probably just lay […]

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I’m So Sorry

I just wanted to tell the unfortunate soul who was forced to deal with my disgusting snot drenched napkin after I left the restaurant tonight that I am very, very sorry. You see I had no way of knowing that your Spicy Penne Arabiata came marinated in tear gas and pepper spray prior to serving. […]

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