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I Need a Shower

I went for my first professional massage today. I’m not sure how I feel about the experience. I didn’t hate it or anything, but I was expecting to have one of those why did I wait so long kinds of experiences. I didn’t get that though.

To begin with, there was just an awful lot of ass-play. It was a one hour, full-body massage, and for something like 20 minutes of that time, her hands were all over my ass. Don’t get me wrong. If some woman wants to fondle my butt, I’m generally not going to complain too much. But, I’d really rather it was a friend or some random stranger or anybody really except somebody I’m paying because the money just makes the whole thing feel weird somehow.

Plus, that’s not really where I carry most of my stress, so I’m not sure I really see the point. As in most situations like this, I’m just going to pretend that it was because she found me irresistible and figured professionalism be damned. If you’ve been for your own massage/grope session, and that’s really the way those things go every time I’ll thank you to not disillusion me.

Now, the whole nudity thing really wasn’t that big a deal to me. I hate changing in men’s locker rooms or showering or really just standing there at the urinal even. But again, if some random women wants me to strip down my attitude is pretty much yeah, OK — whatever.

But, the pressure points (she was an acupressurist as well) creeped me out to no end. I studied martial arts for a few years when I was a kid, so when somebody starts seeking out my pressure points, particularly the ones around my throat, my body views it as an attack and wants to defend against it. Fortunately, I can generally get my head in the way of my body, but it requires an awful lot of effort to not reverse out out it.

Also, once she started flapping my arms around and sticking her fingers in my ears it was all I could do to keep from laughing uncontrollably. I’d like to just lay there and relax with a whatever kind of attitude, but really at some point you start wondering if you should ask where Allen Funt is because it’s really just getting past the point of absurdity.

Afterwards, I did feel kind of relaxed for a few minutes. It didn’t take long though before the old stresses and pains (mostly pains) started seeping back into my lower back and shoulders. I kind of live with this low-grade pain in the back of my head all the time. It just becomes a part of you, but take it away, and then when it comes back you’re like 1000 times more aware of it. It’s actually sort of a drag.

Plus, she coated me with these massage oils, and I’m leaving a sticky, smelly trail of slime on everything I’m touching. It’s like I’m a giant snail or something. A giant, Nancy-boy smelling, sticky, slimy snail. I think I need a shower or a squeegee.

One Response to “I Need a Shower”

  1. Will says:

    Thanks for spamming my comments whoever you were. This isn’t a good place for that kind of stuff though, so I deleted your comment. Feel free to comment on topic if you’d like.

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