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I’m So Sorry

I just wanted to tell the unfortunate soul who was forced to deal with my disgusting snot drenched napkin after I left the restaurant tonight that I am very, very sorry. You see I had no way of knowing that your Spicy Penne Arabiata came marinated in tear gas and pepper spray prior to serving. I held it together for as long as I could, but I am only one man. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure that the heartburn that is currently punishing me will keep me up through at least 3 lifetimes.

Man, what was I even thinking ordering a plate of bread? I feel completely gross right now.

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